Monsters Lurking Within Mirrors

I grew up afraid of mirrors

Of the monsters that lurked on the other side 

An angel of music beckoning me down to the pits of darkness 

Seven 

That’s how old I was when I learned I could no longer stare at my reflection

That the girl waiting on the other side was not the image I wanted to see 

Too fat 

Too ugly 

Too empty 

Eyes like the darkness you can only get out at sea

I waited for the twinkle of a star

But none appeared

Thirteen

The age at which a boys hands

Roamed without consent down my skin

A fight inside longed to begin

But when the mirror called

All I could see was a girl so broken

It would take a miracle to put her back together again

So the denial of food became my best friend

And the mirror a tool just to check in

On the weight I’d constantly hoped I’d lost

A symbol of my value 

Or so I thought 

Twenty-eight

I looked in the mirror for what I believed was the last time 

Daring a glance at my aging skin

Dark shadows pool under my eyes 

A death found within 

I shudder 

I try to convince myself I like what I see 

That there’s no part of me 

That is worth any less 

Than that of my neighbor 

That my worth isn’t tied 

To what I see in the mirror 

That the angel of darkness can wait 

For things to get clearer 

For the light in her eyes to return 

If only someone could hear her 

She says goodbye 

To the girl in the mirror 

Thirty-one 

After years of avoiding I dare a glance 

If only just to give myself a chance 

To see what my reflection has become 

A woman stares back 

The same girl who thought she was too fat 

Who thought she lost ownership of her body

And yearned to get it back 

The same girl who thought she’d say goodbye 

Never to be seen again 

She smiles 

From ear to ear 

A grin so wide 

It could be the length span of an eagles wings 

The twinkle in her eyes begins

To take over 

For the girl staring back at me knows her worth 

That she is unique 

Only one on this Earth 

That no one can take her power away 

That it doesn’t matter how much you weigh 

Life is so much more 

Than what she had thought 

That she’s proud of herself 

For how hard she fought 

To put herself back together again 

I look once more 

And see things clearer 

For at thirty one 

I’m no longer afraid of the mirror